Too Long Without

Posted on January 16, 2014 Updated on January 15, 2014

By Isabella San Gabriel

Dear Isabella,

I HAVEN’T had sex for so long and it’s driving me insane!
I’ll tell you why when it is so easy these days to pick up someone or even ‘purchase’ someone for an hour or two of vigorous sex.
I am 33 and I married my husband 10 years ago. This year he just turned 70.
I know for a fact that his age contributes a lot to his sexual performance or the lack of it for the past few months. Occasionally, inspired by my not so subtle insistence, he takes Viagra. When I say occasionally this means two or thrice a year. Of course I want him to take the drug more often but I worry that it could harm his overall health. I just want to have sex with the guy and not drive him to his grave early!
Aside from this, overall my relationship with my husband is amazing. He is the kindest person I know and treats me like the queen I deserve to be.
What should I do? Can you please say something?

Sincerely,
Linda

Dear Linda,

First of all, I am not a medical doctor. I don’t even carry any PhD after my name. I suggest that you consult a medical doctor to verify the following:

Impact of Viagra on your husband’s health if taken with other medications. You didn’t mention in your letter whether your husband is indeed taking any additional medications so I can’t even ask my medical doctor friends. Those I have. A lot. I emphasize that the consultation should be done in a doctor’s office and NOT over the Internet.

The amount of time your husband needs to take Viagra before having sex. And also how many mg he needs to take. As you said you only want to have sex with him and not kill him. Viagra overdose can kill.

Second, rumor has it that a woman reaches her sexual peak at around age 35. You’re almost there and probably your hormones are more active than usual. You may also want to check with your Ob-gyne about that. Your hormones I mean and not on whether or not you are nearing your sexual peak age. Knowing this can help you manage your sexual activities.

Third, I have two alternatives for you. One, open marriage. Two, sex toys.

As Open As You Want It

In a study I read recently, the result of which was published by Huffington Post, I believe, about 5% of marriages in the US are classified as open marriages where one or both parties are with other people with the spouse ‘open’ about this.

From your letter, I guess yours is not in this 5%. How about exploring this type of marriage with your husband? Who knows this may even titillate him enough that he doesn’t need to ingest Viagra a time or two.

Personally, I have never explored the idea of an open marriage, but I will do so now with you. I think it is not bad as long as everyone involved knows what they are getting into and open about what they want from this kind of relationship. A marriage is foremost based on trust and that trust extends to knowing that your partner will do everything in his or her power, as long as it is not illegal, to ensure that you are satisfied in all aspects of your relationship.

Toys for Pleasure

Now, if both of you are averse to having an open marriage. I assume that your husband can use all his other extremities well – his hands and by extension his fingers, his tongue. With all those extremities, I bet both of you can enhance both your sexual experience with the aid of some toys.

There are so many out there to choose from for every pleasure imagined and conceived by men and women.

Sincerely,
Bella